Monday, July 28, 2008

Rodney the Robot By Sammi Goldfeld (when I was ten)

Once upon a time there was a robot named Rodney Copperbottom. Rodney was seven feet and six inches tall with a square head and rectangular body and limbs. He was shiny and silver except for his blue eyes and blue hair. His blue hair, which was made of iron, stood straight in the air in a crew cut style. He liked to drink motor oil and eat screws. When Rodney was a teenager, he stopped a world time diamond thief, and became a hero. He became so popular that he ran for President against George Bush and won. So Rodney is now President of the United States in the human world. He misses the robot world where his mom and dad live. The robot world is where all the robots live.
Sometimes he dreams that his mom and dad are in danger. In a recurring dream he sees a headline in the newspaper: “MR. AND MRS. COPPERBOTTOM GET KIDNAPPED AND DIE.” The story continues on to say that they died because their son Rodney was not there to help them. He was too busy with his own work to even go to the funeral. After he finishes reading the article, he wakes up scared stiff. He worries continuously that the nightmare will come true and something terrible will happen to his parents.
One day, Rodney was listening to the news and heard something about a robot, so he turned up the volume. It was about his mom. “Mrs. Anne Copperbottom was kidnapped at twelve o’clock midnight,” said news reporter Johnny Apple. “When husband, Mr. Philip Copperbottom, found out at three o’clock in the morning that his wife was gone, he got dressed, then without a second to lose, ran after her to try to save her. The kidnappers took Mrs. Copperbottom to Detroit. Police are on their way there now to investigate.” Then Rodney turned off the TV and went to his house, which was the scene of the kidnapping.
At his house, it was dark and gloomy. Rodney stood there thinking. Then he made up his mind. He was going to fly to Detroit the next morning. When he got to Detroit, he immediately saw a huge building right in front of him. He saw some people pushing two robots inside the building. They were Rodney’s parents. He waited until they were inside the building, then climbed to the roof, opened a glass panel, and slipped inside the building down a rope with a hook at the end.
After he was in, Rodney looked for his mom and dad. He found them asleep in a cage. Rodney yelled, “Mom! Dad! Wake up!” His mom and dad woke up and said “Rodney!” at the same time. “Are you all right?” his mom asked. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” he said. “You have to get out of here!” whispered his dad. “No,” declared Rodney firmly, “I’m not leaving without you.” “Then what are you doing here?” asked his dad. “I’m going to free you,” said Rodney decidedly. “Look out, “exclaimed his mom, “they are coming!” “Who is coming?” asked Rodney. “The bad guys! Hide quickly!” “But…” stammered Rodney. “Go! GO GO!” ordered his mom.
The bad guys took Rodney’s mom and dad to a big piece of dynamite and tied them to it. “That should do it,” said one of the bad guys. The bad guy was fat and looked liked he hadn’t shaved or showered in years. He was lighting the fuse. “Two minutes until destruction,” said a computerized voice. “Let’s go to a restaurant,” said the other bad guy, who was skinny, bald, wore ripped jail clothes, and stunk like a dung beetle. With that, they promptly left.
After they left, Rodney came out of his hiding place quietly and went straight to his parents. He started to untie them from the dynamite. “One minute until destruction.” After his mom and dad were untied, Rodney started running outside with them but got his leg stuck in the rope and couldn’t get free. “One second until destruction.” Then the dynamite blew up with Rodney attached to it. BOOM! Then the smoke cleared. There was Rodney, in a million pieces on the ground.
“He risked his life for ours,” whimpered Rodney’s mom, her lip quivering. Then she burst into tears of oil. “I know, honey, I know,” comforted Rodney’s dad. “He didn’t even know that the bad guys took us because they wanted all Rodney’s money,” wept his mom. “Those dirty, greedy rats!” she yelled forcefully. “He didn’t even know!” With that, the grief stricken parents walked out of the building and away to hide in their house away from everybody forever.
Then Rodney woke up and exclaimed, “That’s it! No more pizza before bedtime!” At breakfast, Rodney thought, “I guess I won’t be having any more nightmares. I am glad to know that I would risk my life for my parents if they were really in danger.”

1 comment:

Not Scott said...

It's clever. I like the description of Rodney at the beginning and the elements like crying oil and eating hardware.

One thing to think about is the beginning. This part we call exposition. If you can, try to get away from having all that told to us right away. The story is better when there is action, and you open with just telling us Rodney's history. You might consider opening with something more dramatic, like him reading about the kidnapping--or (more realistically) having the police come to his door and telling him personally.

Also, I would draw out the investigation. He finds his parents awfully quickly, something that doesn't ring true. It might be better, and build more suspense, if it takes awhile to reach them.